2014 The Year Where I’ll Do Everything

There are so many things I want to do with my life. Depending on the day if you ask me, “What would you like to do with your life?” I might provide you with a different answer. Last month I decided to stop waiting on the perfect conditions to make things happen with my life. I started by selling my natural products and developing my own brand Devine Organics  and of course this journey isn’t easy. I’m putting myself out there, I’m trying to figure out who I want to be, and what stories I want to share.

I’ve also decided to continue writing but I’ll also start sharing my stories on this blog. I want this blog to include more if my life. I want to share more not just health or natural beauty. I’m not sure which day of the week it will be but I’m going to start weekly creative writing posts. It could be a story or a writing exercise I’m using and want to share.

There’s so much to do and I can’t wait anymore.

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Marley and Asher (cont.)

If you’ve looked at my short stories page then you know I have a couple stories on there that aren’t finished. I’m working on Marley and Asher. I didn’t like this one at first but I stuck with it. It’s not finished but please comment below… I want to know that you think.

Why am I so sad? It’s like the tears have their own agenda. They know what I can’t tell myself and they’re taking the pain I refuse to feel with them. I can’t stop these tears, whatever was holding them back is gone and now all there’s two streams running down my face and falling off my chin. These tears are determined to escape and I’m helpless to stop them. I can’t do anything but cry for these unknown causes or do I know what I’m crying for and I’m just too pained to acknowledge it. I’m hiding in the bathroom sitting on the toilet running water in the sink so that he doesn’t here the sobs I’m helpless to stop. I cry and sob and after a couple minutes they’ve calmed enough that I wipe my tears and return to my living room.

As soon as I get down the stairs and Asher sees me. My little almond shaped eyes have betrayed my activities as I meet his green eyed gaze. He stands to his full height of 6’ 3” to tower over my muscular 5’ 6” frame.

“What’s wrong?” He asks

“Nothing” I say. I try to move past him and reclaim my spot on the couch but he grabs me before I can sit.

“Marley, what’s wrong?” He asks again. I look into his eyes but I can’t answer him. How can I tell him what’s wrong when I, myself do not know?

“Nothing” I say again and lay my head on his shoulder. I shouldn’t have done that. As soon as my head comfortably rests against his shoulders my eyes flood, the streams start, and the tears falls. I can’t hold this in any longer I need to tell him. He would understand. I open my mouth to tell him but I can’t speak. Only sobs escape.

“Baby what’s wrong?” He asks turning around to face me and leaving me to lift my head before it fell into his lap. “Marley what’s wrong? You’re scaring me I’ve never seen you like this.”

I wonder if I told him would he still want to be with me would he still love me. I can’t look myself in the mirror right now. I shouldn’t be with anyone, I need to be alone.

“Asher, I don’t think I can do this anymore,” I finally say. I can’t look him the eye or I might change my mind. I can’t do this to him. I’m dirty now and it’s not fair of me to stay with him pretending to be the same girl I was two days ago.

“What do you mean?” He asks, his eyes shining with tears of his own.

“I mean that we aren’t working out and I want you out of my house now.” I say with a little more confidence. I need him to leave and never come back. I’m not worthy.

“Marley you don’t mean that. We’re engaged. Our wedding is in three months and you want to end it just like that? Why?” He asks as his voice breaks and I almost break down and tell him the truth. I’m doing this for him. He’ll be glad when he meets someone else that’s not me.

“If you’re not out of here in the next 30 seconds, I’m calling the cops.” I say coldly and I  meet his eyes for just a moment, any longer and I would’ve lost my nerve. I get up and walk towards the door to open it for him. He follows me and walks out as soon as I have the door open wide enough. I close the door before he can turn around and change my mind. Asher is the love of my life but I’ve learned in the last couple days that love isn’t for me. I don’t deserve it.

I go back to the bathroom and start my third shower of the day. I know I’m clean but I can’t help but feel there’s a layer there that I can’t see but I can feel and it has to go. I scrub my skin raw and I finally get out and step into my pink robe and matching slippers. I check the bathroom window to make sure it’s locked. I go around the house checking my windows and doors. I go to the kitchen to check the windows and doors and I grab a knife to put under my pillow. I need Asher because he would never let anything happen to me until the one day something did.

I really don’t think I can sleep alone…

My Hair Journey…The Video

Image representing YouTube as depicted in Crun...

Image via CrunchBase

I have finally used my movie maker to make my first YouTube Video. I was so excited to do it because I tried to do one before and I failed by like they say “Try, try and try again.” Luckily I only got to the second “try” before I got what I was looking for.

Beginning of a journey

My first twist out as a natural

I cut most of my hair off on Saturday. I wasn’t planning on doing it, it just happened. The first two days I had my hair in twists because I was in shock. I had really cut off all my relaxed ends revealing my curls, yes curls all this time I though my hair was a different texture because the relaxer was weighing it down. Here is my transition from uncomfortable to happy with my decision. It hasn’t been a week yet but already I’m happy I did what I did and I’m happy. It’s my hair and I need it healthy.

ready to cry when I finished.

but I can still do the goddess twist 🙂

Pretty happy once it was all short after I cried lol

A couple days later

My first twist out as a natural

Halo twist vs Goddess twist

Click on the hairstyle of your choice. I can’t braid so I do the twists but they work for braiding as well. All three are great quick and easy protective styles. Try one or two and let me know how they work for you

Goddess twist tutorial 

Halo twist tutorial 

Halo Braid tutorial