2014 The Year Where I’ll Do Everything

There are so many things I want to do with my life. Depending on the day if you ask me, “What would you like to do with your life?” I might provide you with a different answer. Last month I decided to stop waiting on the perfect conditions to make things happen with my life. I started by selling my natural products and developing my own brand Devine Organics  and of course this journey isn’t easy. I’m putting myself out there, I’m trying to figure out who I want to be, and what stories I want to share.

I’ve also decided to continue writing but I’ll also start sharing my stories on this blog. I want this blog to include more if my life. I want to share more not just health or natural beauty. I’m not sure which day of the week it will be but I’m going to start weekly creative writing posts. It could be a story or a writing exercise I’m using and want to share.

There’s so much to do and I can’t wait anymore.

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Untitled Story (Prompt Challenge)

Prompt: The story is set during a party. The story takes place mid – fall. During the story a relative shows up.

Story is incomplete I wanted to know what your opinions.

If this girl bumps into me one more time I’m going to bump my fist with her face. I know space is limited in here but she doesn’t have to keep bumping into me as she grinds with a boy that’s more hair than body. I’m not even sure he has a face underneath the brown frizzy mess or if that’s a boy. She obviously has had too much to drink her tight pink tank is rising on her flat stomach as her skirt rises on her thin legs and she continues to dance with the boy as if no one is around but the house is full of people.

I look down at my own full cup and cringe. I hate the look, smell, and taste of beer but I want to have a good time for once at one of these things. I close my eyes, plug my nose with my left hand and chug my cup. I gag at first and almost spit it back into the cup but I’m committed to the cause and I finish my cup. Just as I sit my empty red cup on the mantle, my slow grinding neighbor has bumped me again and as promised to myself I punch her right into the face before I walk away in search of the keg.

The crowded living room parts as I make my way to the dining room. Of course everyone just saw me punch the girl but no one saw her bumping me. Great. I really didn’t want to come here and be noticed I just wanted to blend in for once. I wanted to enjoy myself.

“Kaden!” I turn in the direction I hear my name coming from. I see Mark my brother, turn around, and contine walking.

“Kaden!” Mark calls again. He’s closer this time I try to quicken my pace even though I know he’ll catch up.

“Kaden,” he says again as he grabs my arm, I stop walking and face him.

“Yes. Mark.” I don’t want my plans for the night to be ruined by anyone.

“Why are you here? Better yet why are you here and punching random people in the face?” He asks.

Mark is such a big brother even though he has five minutes on me he just has to treat me like a child.

“I’m here because I was invited. She had the punch coming.” I reply.

He looks as if I was speaking Greek.

“I don’t understand. Why would you come to a frat party you never party.” If I wasn’t so annoyed I would have to laugh at the look on his face. Mark and I aren’t exactly close. I think it’s partly because we’re polar opposites. I’m not exactly the party type or the type to throw punches.

“Is this about the other day?” He asks concerned.

“NO! Everything isn’t always about you. Where’s the keg?” I ask him. He has to know this is his party after all.

“You’re drinking?” He asks incredulous. He drops his head and points. “In the kitchen straight back there.” He points.

He lets me go and I start walking towards the back. I notice that instead of staying where he was he falls in step beside me. I guess he doesn’t believe me.

“Get lost.” I say.

“No.” He says with a smile.

He’s such a jerk. I don’t need a babysitter but I shouldn’t be so quick to blow him off.

“Fine.” I say.

As we’re walking towards the kitchen I notice the stares. People always stare when I’m with Mark. They always wonder how he can be him and I’m me but we’re twins. Fraternal but we look exactly alike. Same dark brown eyes, same thick curly hair and same smile. I use mine less often than he does. He has a whole foot on me at 6′ 4″ but everyone knows when they see us that we’re related.

“Hi Mark!” A girl screamed at him.

My brother just smiled and waved at the poor girl not missing a step.

“Who was that?” I asked.

“I’m not sure. I think she’s in one of my classes.” He replies.

I shake my head. I hope he’s not one of those guys that has sex with women but can’t remember their names. Mark may  be popular but I doubt he’s that sleazy. I don’t really know him anymore.

“I hope you’re not a sleaze ball.” I say.

“How can you say such things about your big brother?” He asks mock hurt on his face with one hand on his chest.

“Five minutes hardly makes you a big brother.” I retort.

He’s laughing and I’m back to me. I should just cut my losses and leave I don’t know what I set out to accomplish this evening but I’m not sure drinking and partying will be the way to go.

“I’m leaving.” I say to Mark as we reach the kitchen packed full of drunk college students.

“Why?” He asks grabbing two cups.

“I’m just not feeling it anymore. This isn’t my scene.” I say.

“Well you should stay and hang out with me. I’ve barely seen you since the semester started.” He says.

Should I stay here at this party or to my dorm room to homework and books?

“Hey Mark! Kaden!” My hearts flutters as I hear my name come from the mouth of Nick Drew.

“I’ll stay.” I say to Mark. “Hi Nick!”

My plans for the night might not be ruined after all. I just wanted to have one conversation with Nick outside of Calculus. When he invited me to Mark’s party I saw the perfect opputunity to talk him but now I have to ditch Mark.

The smile

English: Stick figure with eyes and smile

English: Stick figure with eyes and smile (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This was written yesterday. I found a prompt that said “The most beautiful smile,” and I went from there.  Let me know what you think.

The most beautiful smile I ever saw belonged to a cancer. A tall drink of water. He stood 6′ 3″ with the big olive green eyes, dark brown hair cut short, and a slim build. I saw the smile first it just lit up his face. I wasn’t too concerned with him before that smile, that smile was for me. It was the smile of man happy to see his wife after a long day at work, the smile of someone so happy to see you it lights up their face.

I know I returned the smile because I could feel the heat from cheeks as they came to rest under my eyes. I knew my smile was big more like a grin. I couldn’t help but return the smile. As I got closer to him I recognition hit.

“Hey!” I said a little out of breath from my brisk pace.

“Hi,” He said back in a cooler tone.

Where did I know him from? Did he recognize me too? Why was he so calm? He must’ve forgotten who I was maybe he was just saying “hi” to be nice. I continue my walk and my phone conversation half listening as I rack my brain trying to figure out who he is and when we met.

Then it hit me. I listened to my friend ramble on about all the fun we were going to have that night. She had no idea that I had already ditched our night in my head. I had made plans in case she flaked on my again and my mind had finally got things straight. I knew where that smile was from and it was for me. We had unfinished business. We were destined to meet again.

Marley and Asher (cont.)

If you’ve looked at my short stories page then you know I have a couple stories on there that aren’t finished. I’m working on Marley and Asher. I didn’t like this one at first but I stuck with it. It’s not finished but please comment below… I want to know that you think.

Why am I so sad? It’s like the tears have their own agenda. They know what I can’t tell myself and they’re taking the pain I refuse to feel with them. I can’t stop these tears, whatever was holding them back is gone and now all there’s two streams running down my face and falling off my chin. These tears are determined to escape and I’m helpless to stop them. I can’t do anything but cry for these unknown causes or do I know what I’m crying for and I’m just too pained to acknowledge it. I’m hiding in the bathroom sitting on the toilet running water in the sink so that he doesn’t here the sobs I’m helpless to stop. I cry and sob and after a couple minutes they’ve calmed enough that I wipe my tears and return to my living room.

As soon as I get down the stairs and Asher sees me. My little almond shaped eyes have betrayed my activities as I meet his green eyed gaze. He stands to his full height of 6’ 3” to tower over my muscular 5’ 6” frame.

“What’s wrong?” He asks

“Nothing” I say. I try to move past him and reclaim my spot on the couch but he grabs me before I can sit.

“Marley, what’s wrong?” He asks again. I look into his eyes but I can’t answer him. How can I tell him what’s wrong when I, myself do not know?

“Nothing” I say again and lay my head on his shoulder. I shouldn’t have done that. As soon as my head comfortably rests against his shoulders my eyes flood, the streams start, and the tears falls. I can’t hold this in any longer I need to tell him. He would understand. I open my mouth to tell him but I can’t speak. Only sobs escape.

“Baby what’s wrong?” He asks turning around to face me and leaving me to lift my head before it fell into his lap. “Marley what’s wrong? You’re scaring me I’ve never seen you like this.”

I wonder if I told him would he still want to be with me would he still love me. I can’t look myself in the mirror right now. I shouldn’t be with anyone, I need to be alone.

“Asher, I don’t think I can do this anymore,” I finally say. I can’t look him the eye or I might change my mind. I can’t do this to him. I’m dirty now and it’s not fair of me to stay with him pretending to be the same girl I was two days ago.

“What do you mean?” He asks, his eyes shining with tears of his own.

“I mean that we aren’t working out and I want you out of my house now.” I say with a little more confidence. I need him to leave and never come back. I’m not worthy.

“Marley you don’t mean that. We’re engaged. Our wedding is in three months and you want to end it just like that? Why?” He asks as his voice breaks and I almost break down and tell him the truth. I’m doing this for him. He’ll be glad when he meets someone else that’s not me.

“If you’re not out of here in the next 30 seconds, I’m calling the cops.” I say coldly and I  meet his eyes for just a moment, any longer and I would’ve lost my nerve. I get up and walk towards the door to open it for him. He follows me and walks out as soon as I have the door open wide enough. I close the door before he can turn around and change my mind. Asher is the love of my life but I’ve learned in the last couple days that love isn’t for me. I don’t deserve it.

I go back to the bathroom and start my third shower of the day. I know I’m clean but I can’t help but feel there’s a layer there that I can’t see but I can feel and it has to go. I scrub my skin raw and I finally get out and step into my pink robe and matching slippers. I check the bathroom window to make sure it’s locked. I go around the house checking my windows and doors. I go to the kitchen to check the windows and doors and I grab a knife to put under my pillow. I need Asher because he would never let anything happen to me until the one day something did.

I really don’t think I can sleep alone…

How do you start a great story with no motivation?

I have never been able to consistently write when I’m in a good mood. When I was in middle school I could write everyday because I was so “sad” and most of the things I wrote about then are so trivial now. I have at least six beginnings to stories but no middle and no end. I want to start working on a book or a collection of short stories. I can’t do that with no material but I can’t have new material with no motivation. I love when I finish stories but it is so freaking hard to get started. Sheesh! I’m always worried about it being so much like something else that I kill every idea I have before I even put pen to paper. I’ve come up with an idea for writers block. I’m pretty sure it’s not new and I’m not claiming rights.

1. If you have a writer friend get them involved, it’s much easier to go at this with a partner.

2. Start working on something, anything today.

3. Pick a day where you submit your work to each other and also you have to agree upon a minimum or maximum length.

4. Do this every week until you have your poem, story, or book.

If this helps let me know. I’ll be doing the same thing starting today. I have a writer friend named Katie and our reign of zero motivation has come to an end.